II. Joke: Part 1
- The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicians at Whatsamata U.
- The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.
- However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons.
- This gives it an atomic mass number of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by meson-like particles called memos.
- Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
III. Joke: Part 2
- According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratum caused one reaction to take 4 days to complete when it would normally take 1 second.
- Administratum has a normal half life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actively decay.
- Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.
- Some studies have shown that atomic mass number actually increases after reorganization.
IV. Joke: Part 3
- Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratum occurs naturally in the atmosphere.
- It tends to condense and concentrate at certain points such as governmental agencies and universities.
- Administratum can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.
V. Joke: Part 4
- Scientists point out that Administratum is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.
- Attempts are being made to determine how Administratum can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.