The heaviest element known to science was recently
discovered by physicians at Whatsamata U. The element,
tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or
electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However,
it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons,
75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass number of 312. These 312
particles are held together in the nucleus by meson-
like particles called memos. Since it has no
electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it
comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratum caused one reaction to take 4 days to
complete when it would normally take 1 second.
Administratum has a normal half life of approximately
3 years, at which time it does not actively decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant
neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons
exchange places. Some studies have shown that atomic
mass number actually increases after reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that
Administratum occurs naturally in the atmosphere.
It tends to condense and concentrate at certain points
such as governmental agencies and universities, and can
usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and
best-maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratum is known to be
toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily
destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to
accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratum can be controlled to prevent irreversible
damage, but results to date are not promising.
Author
-Anonymous
